Life Update: Living in the Dirt

For the past six months, I put my business to the side to take an opportunity to work in Utah doing Wilderness Therapy. Here’s what it’s been like living in the dirt and sleeping under the stars.

Since August, I’ve been working as a Wilderness Therapy Field Instructor in Utah and living on the road in my SUV. I live very minimally and spend over half of my nights each month around fires built by hand—from bow drills—and sleeping on the Earth. I pour my heart into a group of teenage girls who are navigating challenges like addiction, unhealthy relationships, and self-harm. Every single one of them is learning how to move through this complex world with beautifully unique, neurodivergent minds.

None of them chose to be in the therapy program I work for. They were sent there against their will by deeply concerned parents who feared for their safety due to the choices they were making—from runningaway, to stealing, to locking themselves in their rooms for days, to suicide attempts.

We live together in the Utah wilderness without the luxuries of running water, electricity, or outside social influences. We backpack regularly between campsites. We all have chores. We hold therapy groups. We live together as a temporary family, learning how to communicate big feelings in functional ways. I’ll share more stories soon about my experience in wilderness therapy, the girls I care for, and what I’ve learned from living—quite literally—in the dirt.

The reality of my day-to-day life is very different from most.

It’s not glamorous from the outside looking in.

And I’m okay with that.

I’m essentially homeless, and while I felt some shame at first for living this way, I also knew in my heart that this lifestyle change was exactly what I needed in order to evolve. The reward of contributing to the future generation in a meaningful way is worth the hard work and sacrifice of everyday comforts.

This chapter has confirmed something very important for me: a top priority and purpose of my human life is self-actualization. I define that as becoming the healthiest version of myself I can imagine—spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically—by weaving together the elements of fire, air, water, and earth within me. The health of one dimension always influences the others.

This is the greatest service I can offer myself and the world: to be healthy.

Many of you reading this have known me as an Astrologer, spiritual life coach, and business owner. Maybe you’ve attended one of my moon circles or workshops, or received a reading from me. I know I suddenly fell off the radar for the past six months—and I’m okay with that too, even if it isn’t proper business etiquette. I offer myself grace for not knowing the “right” way forward and for needing to explore a new path.

I’m still an Astrologer, spiritual life coach, and business owner—just one who hasn’t been visibly marketing. Instead, I’ve been vibrationally marketing. That means I’ve allowed the Universe to bring me clients without effort or striving to be seen. I’ve simply lived my life in alignment with who I know myself to be, stayed open to opportunities, and allowed the quantum field to do the rest. I’ve always known at my core that my vibration speaks louder than any social media post.

And the Universe has continued to bring me a gentle trickle of clients—one or two at a time. I’ve reminded myself again and again that there is nothing I need to do to be seen. I don’t need to convince or prove anything. No one needs to be helped, fixed, or coached. This world—your life and mine—is unfolding exactly as it needs to according to a higher organizing force. One I can’t fully understand with my singular human mind, but one I can deeply trust.

I’ve been re-coding my response to every challenging moment and healing my relationship with the part of me that always wants to “fix” something.

When we want to fix anything, we’re often approaching life from the belief that something isn’t good enough. Something is wrong. Unsatisfactory. Many of us—myself included—were taught to focus on what isn’t good enough. And the more we focus there, the more it consumes our lived experience. At the end of the day, how much we focus on “not good enough” is a choice.

Have you ever been in a situation where someone wanted to fix you? Most of us have. What did that feel like? Did it invite you to feel whole, accepted, and seen just as you are? Or did it leave you feeling broken, unworthy, and not enough?

Only broken things need fixing—and I genuinely believe none of us are broken. This is the message I repeat to the girls in my wilderness therapy group, whether they consciously accept it or not. It’s a seed I hope to plant in the future generation.

And if you aren’t broken… what am I here to fix?

As an entrepreneur who has invested over $10,000 in coaching and business trainings, one of the first things I was taught is: You have a problem, and I have a solution. Let me fix something for you. Let me tell you why you need my services.

That message has always felt energetically resistant and misaligned for me—and it took years to fully understand why. When I finally said to myself, Marketing doesn’t feel good right now. I don’t want to try to get clients. I don’t want to see you as having a problem and me as having the solution, something shifted. I’m not interested in competing for attention, likes, or popularity. I want something different.

I want authentic connection with other humans navigating this complex experience and becoming the healthiest versions of themselves.

See me or don’t see me. I want to see myself with greater clarity. I want to know what’s true for me when I shed the superficial layers of needing to appear like someone who can fix anything for you. The more clearly I see myself, the less I care whether others see me. And paradoxically, the more clearly I see myself, the more clearly you will see me—without me having to do anything at all.

The more I’ve understood myself through the lens of quantum physics—as eternal energy evolving—the more I see you that way too.

And when I see you as eternal energy evolving, judgment dissolves. Your challenges and life path make sense. My own life unfolding exactly as it is now feels like a perfect reflection of my inner vibration—no mistakes, no missteps. This perspective has allowed me to do my work in wilderness therapy without judgment. The girls are exactly where they are because it’s an opportunity for their energy to evolve according to a higher vibrational principle.

When I believe I need fixing—as I did for most of my life—my external world mirrors that belief. I try to prove myself. I strive to be “good enough.” Life becomes woven with a vibration of lack: I am not enough. Life is not enough. I need to do more, have more, be more.

To me, that feels like the foundation of Western culture.

More success.

More beauty.

More wealth.

More love.

The present moment isn’t enough. Something must be fixed.

Here’s the paradox that makes me laugh: we do have things that can be improved. That’s how growth works. How could we become healthier without awareness of where we could do better—whether in our beliefs, thoughts, emotions, or physical bodies?

Both truths get to coexist.

We are whole and perfect right now.

And we can grow.

This chapter of my life has taught me that seeing myself as healthy now—including the part of me that wants to fix things—is what actually allows me to become healthier.

If you’re pursuing self-actualization, becoming the healthiest version of yourself means identifying with health exactly as your life is today. That healthiest version of you—really feel into it—probably feels abundant, in love with life, and deeply content. No fixing required.

If you can cultivate that feeling now, you are already identifying as that version of yourself. The thoughts and beliefs that arise in resistance simply show you where growth is possible. That’s the juice of life, if you ask me.

Your vibration goes first.

Then the physical world shifts.

As within, so without.

How could it be any other way?

I continue to work with the stars and the cycles of the grand cosmic clock we are a part of. We live within the energy field of our Sun, and the planetary positions influence that field—which in turn influences ours. Practicing astrology continues to teach me about energy, interconnectedness, and my own path to self-actualization.

I care about experiencing my own light, and that requires self-expression. I’ve given myself permission to create and share as inspiration guides me. I trust the Universe to meet me there.

I feel a deep calling to continue my work as an Astrologer and Quantum Life Coach from a different place. I want to share my life, insights, and practices with the simple intention of connecting with others walking the starlit path toward self-actualization.

I want to play with vibrational patterns—working with heart coherence, crystal energy, and the human energy field as it interacts with cosmic fields. I want to explore what this means for consciously creating our lives.

For now, I’ll be blogging and sending emails a few times a month. I’ll be sharing on Instagram again and eventually restarting my full moon circles. I’m also offering sliding-scale energy counseling sessions starting at $22 for those who want to build awareness of the cosmic cycles in their lives, understand their energy field, and practice shifting it through heart coherence.

Stay tuned for more stories and insights from this epic winter I’ve been living.